I just had the most amazing moment sitting here on the mahogany room couch. Linde’s asleep in her crib, J is out to dinner for work. For a second, I forgot I had a daughter. It was fleeting, but for just a moment I was sitting in this room, watching television, not a mother. It was the first time I’ve been able to remember my life sans child clearly and without emotion attached. During tough moments, when she was inconsolable in the middle of the night, I was acutely aware of my life before baby, but that was just born of frustration. This was different. In this quite house, it was as it was three months ago. When the moment passed I felt a sense of relief, knowing she is here, and I am her mom.
I immediately thought to text a friend expecting a baby in the Fall. Together we experienced the full wonder of the world, and had fabulous single woman adventures. I wanted to tell her of the world to come, but there’s really no explaining it. She’ll have these moments too. Moments where these changes in our lives seem so unbelievable.
I loved my life without a child, just as I loved my single life. But, when I became a wife, I never would have wished to go back. Finding a partner to travel this life with is awesome. Now I’m a mother, my childless life seems thin and flimsy. The world seems so robust since she’s arrived. I remember when I first left home for college, the world was so bright and shiny. Over the years it’s faded a little. It’s definitely had its bright moments, but it hasn’t had quite the mystery and promise it did then, or does now.
I can’t wait to show her everything this world has to offer. She’s a lucky girl, just as I was.